Garrett Scalfani

Left on the agenda:
	As much as possible, especially considering his socials are now gone. There is tons of material to cover archived in Aunt Myrna's Parlour.

Garrett Scalfani
Garrett posing in 2022.
Born	(1990-03-02) March 2, 1990
Residence	Koh Samui, Thailand
Aliases	G-Shock Grateful Ape newworldoil
Parents	Karen Welch Todd Jack Scalfani
Siblings	Jack Scalfani II

Garrett Ryan Scalfani (born 2 March 1990) is Jack's son from his first marriage. In the context of the Scalfaniverse, he is primarily known for being the son that Jack choked out for allegedly becoming aggressive after beginning to smoke weed. Since December 2022, Garrett has lived in Thailand, peddling crypto scams and trashy weed products.

Early life

As a baby, Garrett had a glass thermometer lost up his rectum after he peed on Jack during a temperature check. Growing up with divorced parents, Jack described Karen as "not strict at all" with Garrett, and the juxtaposition with Jack being more demanding apparently "destroyed" Garrett's psyche.

At the age of 16, Garrett began interning at a computer shop in Huntington Beach, California. In there, he learned how to smoke weed, something that allegedly caused him to turn violent against Jack and Tammy, resulting in Jack choking him out twice. Following these events, Garrett was forced out of the Scalfani household - Jack originally intended for Garrett to become homeless for a while and come back crying, however Jack's mom Connie prevented this from happening by taking him in herself, greatly upsetting Jack.

Career and online activity

Garrett has previously worked for rappers Andy Milonakis, Mac Miller, Snoop Dogg and Wiz Khalifa. His production company G-Shock Productions has claimed to work on the 2012 film Mac & Devin Go to High School starring Dogg and Khalifa, however it is not named in the film's credits.

During the NFT craze, Garrett bought a green/purple Bored Ape Yacht Club NFT he called the Grateful Ape. He had a 3D model of the ape avatar he would use as an uncanny glitchy filter on his Instagram stories. It took until around August 2025 for Garrett to ditch the ape as his profile picture on social media, quite long after the NFT fad had died out.

Garrett attended a Backpack Boyz NFT release party in Los Angeles on 20 August 2022 where a shooting had occurred. Garrett was interviewed about the situation, in which he struggled to piece together a single sentence, claiming that there was "no homicide" and that he knew the perpetrators. There was in fact one person killed in the shooting.

Having lived in California for most of his life, in December 2022, Garrett moved to Koh Samui, the second largest island in Thailand. There, he tried various weight loss schemes to varying degrees of success - including bathtub peptides - and bought two mutated pitbulls named Hashley and Dolce that he has taken to beauty contests.

Around April 2026, Garrett unexpectedly wiped much of his social media presence, perhaps due to his CWJki page being updated with information about Pricilla.

Relationships

With the Scalfanis

Garrett is still on phone call terms with Jack, however occassionally sneak-dissing him on his Instagram stories. In January 2023, Garrett was the first to leak Jack having his fifth stroke.

With ex-fiance

The strange comment left by enigmuuh8802.

Garrett was previously engaged to one Pricilla Toledo, who he nicknamed P-Funk, even shooting a terrible staged video of their engagement. By 2023, Pricilla made a Facebook post stating she had "the courage to leave an abusive [relationship] and ending an engagement I was conned into accepting." The post implies Garrett did not allow Pricilla to go see her dad, who was dying of cancer (but ultimately recovered sometime after the breakup). Garrett never publicly addressed this matter. In the comments of the now-deleted engagement video, a user named enigmuuh8802 claimed Pricilla "took [Garrett] for everything he's worth and left him". The user's exact relation to Garrett is unknown.

Health

Accidents

Garrett has admitted to having four motorcycle accidents, once flying 20 feet through a car's windshield. This has not stopped him from continued reckless driving on camera, including smoking kush while driving and not paying attention to the road. He has also virtue signalled about "always wear[ing] a helmet, especially in Bangkok", something that he has demonstrably not followed himself.

Emphysema

Around 14 November 2022, Garrett got informed by his doctor that he has been diagnosed with emphysema (which Garrett downplayed as "VERY VERY MILD") and was recommended to stop smoking weed. He did not stop.

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  Helmet for thee, not for me.

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  Garrett showing off and not looking at the damn road. Also, no helmet.

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  Garrett doing weed and passing it with a friend while driving. Again, no helmet!

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  Garrett complaining about his diagnosis.

Gallery

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  Garrett with Connie on her deathbed.

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  Wiz Khalifa, Andy Milonakis, Garrett and Snoop Dogg.

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  Khalifa, Garrett and Dogg.

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  Garrett and Pricilla from the engagement video.

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  Pricilla's post calling Garrett abusive.

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  Garrett's tribute post to Mac Miller.

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  Garrett is a supporter of the BRICS alliance.

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  All the businesses Garrett claimed to be a part of at one point.

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  Instagram bio for G-Shock Productions.

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  Garrett leaking Jack's fifth stroke.