The strokes

It's almost a medical parody: Jack has survived not one, not two, but five strokes, all while adhering to a lifestyle that seems ripped straight from a dark comedy. While most stroke survivors pivot to strict diets and rehabilitation, Jack has baffled both critics and casual viewers by diving headfirst into fast food reviews, ignoring medical advice, skipping follow-up rehab, preferring to half-ass gimmick diets instead at most. In a world where surviving multiple strokes typically requires caution, Jack's "miracle" lies in his sheer defiance. Doctors might call it resilience; others might call it hubris.

Due to his extremely poor health justifications and dietary choices, Jack has admitted to at least five strokes since 1999, though he only considers the latter three as "real" strokes. Despite the glaring role of his corpulent lifestyle in these events, Jack remains resolute in maintaining his habits of excess and supposed "fame". His journey isn't just a medical anomaly - it's a testament to the human will to justify anything, even in the face of near-death experiences. Ironically, for someone with such an extreme aversion to "begetabuls" and a preference for meat, Jack may just be the most unlikely medical miracle of our time.

Stroke 1: Beer and Bloating in Las Vegas (1999)

The first documented stroke, which Jack referred to as a "TOA" (a likely typo for TIA, or transient ischemic attack), occurred in 1999 during a trip to Las Vegas, a place synonymous with overindulgence. A TIA is a temporary blockage of blood flow to the brain that does not cause permanent damage, but serves as a critical warning sign for future strokes. Foreshadowing...

This stroke remains elusive, only receiving a brief mention in a 29 June 2023 blog post aptly titled Stroke of Genius. Jack did not provide detailed medical descriptions of the episode, but noted that this event marked the beginning of his long struggle with strokes.

Stroke 2: The Hidden Stroke (2008)

On the All That Bugs! blog, Jack wrote about a medical emergency that occured on 10 October 2008 that sounds a lot like a stroke - however Jack ended up leaving the hospital before receiving a proper diagnosis. The recounting of this event, which he dramatically called the "Hospital Bill from Hell", spirals into a tirade against hospitals, insurance companies, and anyone who dared to cross him.

Symptoms

Jack woke at 4:30 AM to numbness on the right side of his body, a telltale sign of a potential stroke. Instead of calling 911, Jack decided to drive himself to Los Alamitos Medical Center's emergency room. The numbness lasted around 20 minutes - a fleeting episode that can often be dismissed, but is a critical warning sign.

Jack's dismissal

Over the next four hours, the hospital conducted several tests, including bloodwork, to determine the cause of his symptoms. Jack's frustration mounted as each test returned inconclusive. According to his own account, he began pressuring the doctors, insisting they wrap up quickly so he could leave. When medical staff offered him medication for high blood pressure, and a second pill to prevent stomach upset from the first, Jack's reaction was dismissive: he refused both, adamant that his blood pressure was only high because of the hospital's perceived inefficiency. He rejected their suggestion that the issue might stem from an underlying condition. Instead of considering their advice, Jack made it clear that he had no intention of staying overnight, stating that he would not tolerate being woken for further tests.

Although the hospital initially planned to admit him for further observation and tests, Jack pushed for an expedited review of his results, hoping to be released before the end of the workday. By 6:30 PM, with tests showing no immediate danger, the doctors discharged him - though likely more out of exasperation than certainty. Rather than addressing his health with follow-up care, Jack directed his energy toward a billing dispute over a $100 emergency room fee. He criticized the hospital's policies and urged his readers to contact the hospital administration on his behalf. His blog post, full of sarcastic jabs - including renaming his insurance provider "Wedon'tcare" - emphasized his grievances rather than any introspection about his health.

Stroke 3: The "Mild" Stroke (2011)

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The explanation video.

In late June 2011, Jack suffered a third stroke. This time, he attributed the incident to a dangerous cocktail of overwork, stress, and excessive caffeine consumption. In a explanation video (marred with microphone issues) uploaded on 9 July 2011, Jack recounted the events leading up to the stroke, framing it as a lesson learned after pushing his body to the brink.

Symptoms

The lead-up to Jack's third stroke was marked by a relentless work schedule. Jack described working seven days a week for four years without rest, spending long nights editing videos and managing sauce deliveries. His schedule culminated in an ill-advised marathon of errands and filming before a vacation, fuelled by multiple Starbucks coffees and a 5-hour Energy shot. After a grueling 11-hour workday, Jack embarked on a late-night, three-hour drive to Las Vegas (Evidently a cursed place for the Scalfanis) with his family.

During the drive, Jack noticed his right hand falling off the steering wheel without warning - a disturbing but ignored red flag. Upon arriving in Vegas at 1:00 AM, Jack went straight to bed; but by 3:30 AM, he awoke to find his entire right side unresponsive. His arm could not lift to scratch his chest, and his right leg was immobile. Recognising the severity, Jack went to the emergency room, where doctors confirmed he had suffered a mild stroke on the left side of his brain.

Jack openly admitted the stroke was a result of poor choices: severe stress, sleep deprivation, and an overreliance on caffeine and energy drinks. He referred to the event as a "wake-up call from God", acknowledging that his body had "fried its spark plugs" due to neglect. Jack took specific aim at energy drinks, describing them as "really bad" and vowing never to consume them again.

Recovery

Following the stroke, Jack claimed to have made significant lifestyle changes. He stated that he eliminated caffeine and energy drinks, switched to decaf, and adopted a healthier diet. He reported improved vital signs, boasting that his blood pressure and diabetes levels had returned to near-normal levels. However, knowing Jack's penchant for self-promotion and downplaying setbacks, it is hard not to question the extent of these improvements. His history of minimising health warnings and spinning situations to paint a narrative of resilience suggests he may have overstated his recovery.

Despite claims of feeling healthier than ever, Jack admitted to lingering effects from the stroke, such as difficulty writing and typing. While he portrayed this as a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things, the fact that he still struggled with basic motor skills raises doubts about just how "recovered" he truly was.

Stroke 4: The Arm Taker (2018)

“	I had a stroke and will be gone a bit	”
Jack nonchalantly announcing the stroke on Twitter.

In mid-June 2018, Jack suffered his fourth and most debilitating stroke while filming a Cooking with Jack video. The stroke seems to have affected his right side, with his right arm becoming completely immobile. While Jack hoped to quickly regain use of the arm, the loss has seemingly been proven to be permanent.

Symptoms

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The coffee sock video.

The "coffee Sock" video, uploaded on 30 June 2018, inadvertently documented Jack's pre- and post-stroke condition. In the first segment of the video, Jack appeared his usual animated self as he introduced the concept of cold brew coffee. He enthusiastically described how to use a reusable cotton filter, or "coffee sock", for making a large batch of cold brew. However, at the 2:31 mark, the video transitions, and when Jack returns on screen, he is wearing different clothes, speaking with a subtle slur, and is visibly avoiding the use of his right arm. During the taste test, Jack only uses his left hand to lift the coffee cup and slurs out a barely coherent sentence: "This is how I drink coffee all summer long... on ice... cold brew... is really big."

The following day, on 1 July 2018, Jack uploaded a separate video titled "Announcement!" to address his audience directly. He confirmed that he had suffered a stroke and lost the use of his right arm. Despite this setback, Jack framed the announcement in an oddly upbeat tone, assuring viewers that he would continue creating content, combined with a quick shill for his sauces at the end.

Jack seemingly does not blame any single factor for causing this stroke. However, it can be safely assumed that continued unhealthy eating and lack of exercise contributed to it, as well as his continued consumption of certain energy drinks like Bang Energy despite previously swearing them off.

Impact

The fourth stroke proved life-altering for Jack, as it permanently impaired his right side, turning his right arm into a paperweight while forcing him to waddle to get around (A later attempt at a 5K run ended in total fucking disaster). Additionally, Jack now appeared to rely on Tammy to drive him around to fast food places for Jack on the Go; however, limited evidence does point to Jack still being able to drive occassionally, such as a March 2022 Wendy's review in which Jack is seen parked alone without her.

Recovery

Shortly after the stroke, Jack picked up keto, a gimmick diet used to treat epilepsy in children (but not adults!). Jack's following of keto was largely seen as half-assed, and made no difference both in weight and limb recovery.

Additionally, Jack was treated to several arm therapy gadgets by the company Saebo. This included the SaeboStretch, a set of straps that keep your arm straight; the Mirror Box, an illusion device designed to trick your affected arm into moving by the user looking at a mirror image of their healthy arm; and the SaeboStim Pro, a glove that electrifies your affected arm to further stimulate it. This again appeared to have made no difference.

Gallery

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  Jack admits to his fourth stroke on 16 June 2018.

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  Junior posts on Instagram on 24 June 2018. At the time, the Scalfanis believed that Jack would make a full recovery.

Stroke 5: Hiccups and Vocal Cords (2023)

“	The pressure gets intense and then it fills up my ear and it goes down my neck... This ain't allergies, this ain't sinuses - this is something more serious.	”
Jack describing the fifth stroke.

On 26 January 2023, coincidentally one day before the 11th anniversary of the Party Cheese Salad video, Jack suffered his fifth stroke. Jack's initial unclear status triggered widespread speculation among fans and critics, especially after a period of silence on Jack's social media, alongside cryptic posts from his family surfacing online. Weeks later, Jack officially admitted to the stroke, with lasting symptoms including a paralyzed vocal cord, a droopy right eye, and an apparent inability to walk any real distance without aid.

Symptoms

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Jack's update video.

According to Jack, he had been sitting at the dining table browsing for recipes on his iPad when he felt an intense pressure behind his ear. The sensation spread up his head and down his neck, quickly escalating beyond typical sinus pressure. Jack described the experience as surreal, noting that this was the first time he had experienced a stroke while fully conscious.

Instead of calling an ambulance, Jack opted to call his son Junior and told him he needed to go to the hospital. Jack also called Tammy, who thought he was being a "nervous Nancy". According to Jack, Junior rushed to the house, driving at "breakneck speed" to get him to an emergency room (A move that could have easily ended in disaster, especially with Junior having already banged up his car once). At the hospital, Jack received a shot to clear up a blood clot, only for the clot to have "plugged up again" and cause what was technically a second consecutive stroke.

While both of Jack's sons claim Jack additionally suffered a heart attack during this episode, Jack himself has not mentioned such a thing.

Public discovery

The first indication of the stroke to the public came from Jack's estranged son, Garrett, who shared vague yet concerning updates via Instagram stories, stating that "POPS JUST HAD HIS SECOND HEART ATTACK & SEIZURE & IS ON HIS DEATH BED". Carolyn Flanders, Jack's mother-in-law, later posted a prayer request on Facebook, asking her followers to pray for an unnamed family member, now known to be Jack, admitted to the ICU. Kiwi Farms, /ck/ and other detractor communities immediately lit up with speculation over Jack's status, with a user allegedly messaging Carolyn, to which she replied: "[Jack] is good".

A pre-scheduled Cooking with Jack video was published as usual on 28 January, causing some confusion. Sometime later, a post was published on Jack's Facebook page, stating he was just "taking a break and enjoying so[me] family time". It is speculated that this post was not written by Jack, but rather Tammy. That same day, a member of Aunt Myrna's Parlour further established Jack was still alive after noticing his account was active on Pokémon Go. On 31 January, Junior made an Instagram post lamenting that the month had been tough to him, casually mentioning that "my dad had a stroke and heart attack despite his healthy lifestyle" (!?). On 1 February, the final pre-scheduled upload, a Jack on the Go review of an Indian restaurant was published, which was seen as symbolic considering Jack's avoidance of Indian food throughout his entire online career.

On 2 February, Carolyn posted a photo of a parking lot, stating she was "at the ER". With Jack's hospitization in mind, and some analysis of the photo, it was deduced on Aunt Myrna's Parlour that Jack was admitted to the TriStar Skyline Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee. Over the next few days, Jack's Facebook became active again, with vague posts promising to "explain" what happened. Jack finally came clean about the stroke on 15 February, lamenting that he was currently unable to make a proper video on the situation.

Recovery

Following his admission, Jack spent an extended period in the ICU before being moved to NHC Place Sumner Healthcare, a nursing home in Gallatin, Tennessee, for further observation and rehabilitation. Transporting Jack between the two facilities reportedly costed $3000, much to his seething and dismay. Jack's characteristic stubbornness and disregard for medical advice quickly resurfaced during the nursing home stay, with him bitching about the hospital food daily, refusing to take his medication, and having Tammy smuggle him fast food.

Jack returned home on 4 April 2023, uploading a video on 8 April outlining the events of the stroke and the immediate aftermath. In this video, framing the ordeal as a learning experience while simultaneously downplaying its severity, Jack emphasised that he was allowed occasional outings and had resumed making content.

Impact

Since this stroke, Jack has been mostly relegated to mobility scooters, and is often escorted by Tammy in a wheelchair to get around during his daily activities. He seems to have suffered further nerve damage, both with his right eye and his throat. In the months following the stroke, Jack's voice became progressively worse, with him confirming on a 23 October 2023 livestream that he had been diagnosed with a paralyzed vocal chord.

Gallery

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  Jack fresh from the stroke at TriStar Skyline Medical Center.

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  Carolyn asking for people to pray for "someone" (Jack) in the ICU.

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  Garrett posts on Instagram about Jack's hospitalization. Notice him whining about his pinched nerve for the majority of it.