Scalfani family dogs

The following is a Lazy Man's Article.
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The Scalfanis have owned various dogs throughout the years.

Cupcake

Cupcake was Jack's first known dog from around the California days. According to Joe Chavez, Cupcake got really fat late in its life.

Chief and Luna

Chief and Luna were a pair of labradors adopted for free by Junior and Brianna on 5 February 2022, presumably under the notion that two large dogs would somehow thrive in a small apartment with zero regard for the building’s pet policies. Junior and Brianna, in their infinite wisdom, decided the best course of action after realising they couldn’t keep the dogs was to flip them like rare sneakers. On 11 May, they listed the dogs on Craigslist for $1000—a move that violated both the site’s terms of service and basic common decency. Unsurprisingly, the listing was quickly taken down.

Undeterred by their failed attempt at profiting off living beings, the dynamic duo tried again on 28 May, this time slashing the "price" to $800. Craigslist’s moderators, however, were quick to shut it down once more. The dogs eventually left the Scalfanis' hands by another undisclosed method. One can only hope the dogs ended up in a far better situation—possibly with owners who saw them as pets rather than assets.

Chief and Luna, being unfortunate enough to land in the Scalfani household

HOPE

In March 2022, Jack proudly introduced Hope (or HOPE, in all caps) a puppy he claimed was a "full-blooded Beagle from a reputable breeder." Jack repeatedly doubled down on this assertion across multiple Facebook posts, confidently telling commenters that Hope was a beagle “through and through.” However, from the moment the first photos surfaced, the Foodjacks community was doubtful. Hope’s lanky frame, mismatched markings, and overall appearance didn’t align with the typical beagle look. Instead, many pointed out that she resembled a mutt rather than the floppy-eared hound Jack insisted she was.

Despite growing skepticism, Jack's stubborn refusal to admit he could be wrong only intensified. In an attempt to silence critics, Jack shared a baffling story involving his air-conditioning technician, who allegedly identified Hope as a “web-footed Beagle” and a “water dog.” According to Jack, the technician confidently explained that Hope's webbed paws were proof of her aquatic heritage. However, canine experts and casual dog owners alike were quick to point out that slight webbing is common in beagles—and many other dog breeds—and is not indicative of some mythical sub-breed of water-loving beagles."

The narrative began to unravel when someone in Jack’s Facebook comments finally suggested that Hope was a mixed breed. In response, Jack posted a now-infamous comment admitting, "She wasn’t pure bread. They lied to us." Jack claimed that the vet had informed him that Hope was a beagle-collie mix and expressed frustration that the breeder had duped him. He added, “Next time I’ll want papers,” as though the lack of pedigree documentation was a minor oversight rather than a glaring red flag.

For many, this admission confirmed what had long been suspected: Hope likely came from a backyard breeder rather than a professional kennel. Reputable breeders always provide pedigree papers to verify lineage, especially for popular breeds like beagles. Jack’s insistence on calling the source a “beagle breeder” without any proof only fueled further skepticism.

The tale of Hope’s origins is now infamous among the Foodjacks—thanks in part to Jack’s unwavering need to be right, even when the evidence was literally staring him in the face. Meanwhile, Hope herself grew up into a lanky, lovable companion who still looked nothing like the "pure bread" beagle Jack set out to showcase.

Zoey

Zoey, also known as ZOE, is the Juniors' pitbull which was adopted in September 2023.

Hashley

Hashley is a "chocolate tri merle micro Thai X American bully" adopted by Garrett on 27 April 2024.

Hashley, the genetic mess that Garrett got.