The strokes

The following is a Lazy Man's Article.
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A lesson from Jack U:
	In medical terms, a stroke is an embolism of the brain. Embolismic events occurring in other parts of the body such as heart attacks are not considered to be strokes by the medical community. For the simplicity of this wiki, however, all embolismic events are referred to as "strokes."

Due to his poor living habits and diet, Jack has had a vast number of strokes. The exact quantity of strokes Jack has had is not certain, but Jack has admitted to at least five strokes since 1999, though he only considers the latter three as "real" strokes, and will typically blame non-factors such as caffeine or stress.

The effect caffeine and stress can have on a person's health is not to be understated. In Jacks case, however, the far more glaring issue is his weight - particularly his diet. Jack is steadfast and resolute in his quest to ignore these issues, and maintain his corpulent lifestyle of excess, despite these ominous health signs.

Stroke 1: Beer and Bloating in Las Vegas (1999)

Jack suffered a TIA (transient ischemic attack) in Las Vegas. The only mention of this (mini-)stroke came from a Blogs & Cookies post from 29 June 2023, where it was misspelled as a "TOA".

Stroke 2: The hidden stroke (2008)

On 10 October 2008, Jack woke up at 4:30AM with no feeling in the right side of his entire body. Jack went to the ER where the doctors attempted to give Jack blood pressure medication, which Jack refused to take because he believed that his high blood pressure was because of his anger at the doctors incompetence. Jack left the hospital four hours after arriving, and then proceeded to spend the next ten months arguing with billing about a $100 charge for the ER visit.

Stroke 3: The "mild" stroke (2011)

In mid-2011, Jack's arm became unresponsive while driving to Las Vegas. Jack blames energy drinks and stress for the stroke, and not his obesity inducing diet.

Stroke 4: The arm taker (2018)

Jack Jr posts on Instagram on 24 June 2018. At the time, the Scalfanis believed that Jack would make a full recovery.

“	I had a stroke and will be gone a bit	”
Jack Scalfani, 2018.

On 16 June 2018, Jack admitted on Facebook that he had suffered another stroke. He has been unable to move his right arm since this event.

Stroke 5: Hiccups and vocal cords (2023)

“	The pressure gets intense and then it fills up my ear and it goes down my neck... This ain't allergies, this ain't sinuses - this is something more serious.	”
Jack Scalfani, 2023.

On 26 January 2023, Jack was sitting at his dining room table looking for his next Cooking with Jack recipe when he began to feel an intense pressure building on the right side of his head. Jack called Junior and told him he was having a stroke, who then rushed Jack to the hospital. Sometime around noon, Jack's mother in law made a prayer request on Facebook, asking her followers to pray for an unspecified "someone" who had been admitted to the hospital. Many (accurately) believed Carolyn to be referring to Jack, and assumed that Jack had died. Jack was later revealed to be alive the following day, due to the fact that he kept catching Pokémon in Pokémon Go.

During his recovery, he uploaded a video of himself hiccupping in a hospital bed. Throughout the video he can be heard gasping for air and struggling to breathe while having significant difficulty with basic motor function. Jack also admits that he has not been doing his Seabo exercises, as this is the first time he has attempted to use his dead arm in four years.

Gallery

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  Jack fresh from the stroke at TriStar Skyline Medical Center.

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  Carolyn asking for people to pray for "someone" (Jack) in the ICU.

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  Garrett posts on Instagram about Jack's hospitalization. Notice him talking about his pinched nerve for the majority of it.

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  Jack admits to his fourth stroke on 16 June 2018