Jack and reviews

Jack and Reviews

YouTube is no stranger to reviews of restaurants and food reviews. In a culture where channels like TheReportOfTheWeek have developed die-hard followings and shows such as Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives actively promoting the idea of celebrity chefs showcasing eating establishments across the country , it only makes sense that someone like Jack- who believes he has a firm grasp on the culinary industry- would venture into the field of criticism himself.

Unfortunately for Jack, he lacks any of the qualities that more successful members of the genre possess that makes their work popular – the largest of which being an extreme lack of information on restaurants and how to review them as a whole.

Jack’s first downfall when it comes to food reviewing is his refusal to eat at ethnic, famous, or particularly unusual restaurants that many people would enjoy seeing. Despite living a few hours away from Memphis, which is both a culinary and tourist hotspot in TN, Jack rarely ventures outside of his town of Hendersonville or nearby areas when not on WARS tours, and thus fails to grab the interest of anyone not directly located in the area.

To further this specificity, Jack refuses to eat at many restaurants that could be considered ‘ethnic’, and most if not all of his reviews take place at restaurants that only serve American, Italian, Barbecue, or what has been described as ‘Strip-Mall Mexican’ food. Visits to other cuisines, including Chinese, Sushi, Thai, Japanese, and Soul Food are few and far between, and there have been no recorded incidents of Jack trying Indian, African or other similar foreign food since his move to TN. This is believed to be a combination of his refusal to eat food that he does not know of, the lack of available options in his extremely limited area of operation, and his inherent racism..

The final nail in the coffin when it comes to Jack’s horrible review technique is that he feels a need to constantly be the center of attention. Although many have mixed feelings on Guy Fieri, he is notable for taking a genuine interest in every aspect of the places he visits on the show, from speaking with the chefs to watching them in action as a bystander, effectively allowing Guy to place a larger focus on the restaurant than himself. Jack, meanwhile, did interview chefs and owners at one point, but has completely abandoned this behind-the-scenes aspect in modern times. Interesting topics like the history of the restaurant or its theme, the cooking techniques of the chefs, or what makes a location unique are completely ignored in favor of drawn-out menu readings, disgusting close-ups, and comments that all boil down to some form of ‘good’ or ‘bad’. A prime example of this comes from his review of ‘Double Dogs’, where Tammy points out that the story of the restaurant’s name and dog theme are visible on the menu. Jack responds by saying that he does not care about the story, and perhaps more perplexingly, begins to demand hamburgers at the hot dog-focused location.

At the end of each episode of JOTG, Jack awards a grade on his ‘Report Card’ to each restaurant. This in itself is not a bad idea, and in fact, many reviewers and sites award number or letter grades. However, Jack’s criteria for a restaurant’s final grade are extremely limited, and seem to boil down to the amount of meat he is given at any location. Very few comparisons are made to other establishments, and Jack does very little to explain the reasoning for his grades.

The following is a list of factors that are believed to be considered when Jack scores a restaurant on his ‘Report Card’.

Taste

The Vessel Floats into the Maw. The Jaw Unhinges. -Gemini Home Entertainment, describing an event slightly less horrific than watching Jack Scalfani eat.

In any food review, the taste of the meal is widely considered to be the most important aspect of the entire discussion. If the taste or setting of a restaurant is good enough, one may be willing to overlook raised prices or slightly rude staff- something we can learn from both fancy restaurants and greasy-spoon diners. As odd as it seems, this incredibly important factor seems to take a backseat at times to Jack’s other issues with a restaurant- an idea which many Jack-watchers believe is due to his typical ‘quantity over quality’ approach.

Jack’s thought process when it comes to the taste of a meal seems to be directly related to the amount of meat or cheese in the dishes on display. This idea is even present in episodes of Cooking With Jack, where he reports dishes that contain absurd amounts of these ingredients are almost unanimously GUD (the Christmas Soup was labeled as delicious, presumably due to the fact that it contained an entire brick of Velveeta cheese which drowned all other tastes that might be present). As expected, the quality of the meat or cheese in question does not seem to matter as much as the amount of these substances on display. This is clearly seen in cases where he appears to rate high-class steakhouses lower than chain fare (such as awarding Morton's a B on his ‘Report Card’ while giving Outback Steakhouse an A-).

The most recent instance of this stems from 'Best Steak for the Price', where he claims that the 22-ounce Outlaw Ribeye from Longhorn is better than anything he has tasted at Ruth’s Chris and Mortons (both steakhouses known for steaks that are as rich as those who can afford to eat there on a regular basis). It’s believed this is also a case of the amount of meat quantity dwarfing quality, as the standard Ribeye featured at Ruth’s Chris is only 16 ounces. The taste of vegetables, fruit, and carbohydrates are not often discussed in detail, presumably because they do not matter.

Jack has also, on multiple occasions, expressed a hatred for food brought to restaurants from groups like US Foods and Cysco, as well as the idea of meat that is ‘glued together’. While it is true that some low-budget eateries will glue together less ideal cuts of meat to create steak (Golden Corral is an example), he does not seem to know any specific examples or have an ability to identify when this occurs. As many products and toppings seen in some reviews have been identified as being from these groups yet are spared from Jack’s rage, it can be assumed that he merely uses the label as a blanket term towards food he dislikes.

Even when complimenting food he does enjoy, Jack’s words of praise are very basic, only offering that food is “GUD”, “Beautiful”, or “Delicious”. In more recent times, he has begun to praise meals as being ‘fresh’ and using ‘fresh’ ingredients, but much like his complaints about Cysco and ‘glued-together’ meat, there is little to no evidence of this always being true, and that this is just the latest generic term he uses to describe things he enjoys.

It is also worth noting that when describing meat, Jack adds several new terms to his dictionary, including “juicy” and “moist”. While not important in the grand scheme of discussing reviews, this lends more evidence to the idea that meat is the only part of a meal he is truly interested in and serves as an example of his gastrosexual tendencies. Other peculiar standalone comments, such as his praise of the 'nice, tight casings' on the hot dogs at the aforementioned 'Double Dogs',

Amount

“Quantity has a quality all its own.” -Joseph Stalin

Due to Jack’s perceived lack of taste buds and disinterest in the atmosphere of a restaurant, the amount of food an eatery serves to him is the most important factor in any Jack on the Go review. Any location that provides him with a large amount of food will inevitably receive a high grade, regardless of any other factors in play (including the flavor of said food).The same is true in reverse, as establishments that have smaller portions of anything (regardless of quality) will usually be on the receiving end of Jack’s ire. The most recent examples of this stem from restaurants such as ‘SeaItaliano’s’, where he reduced the grade from an A or A+ to an A- because he disapproved of the size of the restaurant’s chicken wings (despite admitting that many restaurants shared this problem due to a shortage less than a minute after).

As a general rule, the more food Jack is offered at any restaurant, the higher rating it will obtain. This idea has been seen in his preference for fast food and restaurants that sacrifice quality for quantity. Buffets, in particular, will almost always be at least an A- solely due to their bottomless nature. It is also worth noting that in the rare cases where an all-you-can-eat establishment does receive a subpar score, Jack will often reference another aspect of the restaurant that he did not approve of (such as the long, crowded line at the Ark Encounter’s buffet), suggesting that the quality of food truly does not matter. The lowest-rated buffet to be featured on Jack on the Go (not counting John’s Incredible Pizza, which was deemed Not GUD, but not properly rated) was Pine Hill Korean BBQ Buffet, which earned a score of 3.5 out of 5 (approximately 70%, or a C- on the new ‘Report Card’ system), although this can still be considered a passing grade by modern educational standards.

It should be noted that JOTG is not the only example of Jack’s obsession with the amount of food a restaurant or meal can provide. The ‘Playing With Your Food’ series, previously a staple on the Cooking With Jack Channel, takes this pettiness to extremes, as he compares nigh-interchangeable products by counting, among other things, the ice-to-drink ratio in fast food beverage cups, the number of pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, and most famously, a 100-count box of Tic-Tacs to verify that it did, indeed, contain 100 of the breath-freshening pellets.

Pricing

Admittedly, it is important for many to take prices into consideration when discussing restaurants- as with rising living costs, one usually looks to find a good balance between the overall quality of food and how much it costs. Usually, an individual will understand that higher-priced items will typically be of better quality than low-cost alternatives, even if they may appear the same. As it is believed that Jack only sees food in amounts as mentioned above, obtaining as much food as possible for the cheapest price is a major aspect of his reviews, leading to pricing sometimes being a major factor in a restaurant’s overall grade. However, it is unknown why exactly Jack is becomes so angry when prices come up, especially considering the fact that purchases made during Jack on the Go shootings are entirely made on Mommywife Tammy’s credit card and written off as tax-deductible ‘work expenses’.

Furthermore, when eating at a locally-owned restaurant, one can naturally assume that meals there will tend to cost more than their chain counterparts due to food and staff costs, and accepts this as part of supporting businesses in their communities. This is a concept that is lost on Jack, probably due to his refusal to interact with or care about the population of Hendersonville, and a local restaurant priced slightly above average will send him into a rage.

The idea that he does not understand the reason many foods are priced as they are, especially when discussing local establishments, is further reinforced by his confusion regarding franchises and ownership. Jack often refers to franchised restaurants as ‘locally owned’, and may as such believe that the prices of franchised establishments and individual locations should be the same.

A surprisingly philosophical question proposed by Jack when lambasting the high prices at EJ's Restaurant and considering alternative meal ideas.

The most prolific example of his anger towards pricing he deems too high stems from his review of 'EJ’s Restaurant', which earned a D Minus on his ‘Report Card’. As he described the food as GUD, it is believed that this extremely low score was solely due to the fact that he felt the relatively standard prices (13$ each for a hamburger and a Reuben sandwich) were too high. Rather than displaying an awareness of price disparity and encourage his viewers to continue supporting local businesses despite higher prices, he offered the Baconator from Wendy’s as a suitable alternative because it was cheaper.

Minor Grading Points

In addition to his usual grading points, at times, Jack will consider other lesser factors when giving his final reviews. These generally fit under lesser points, as they do not appear in every review on Jack on the Go, but can at times make or break an entire restaurant’s grade.

Coffee

Many would agree that coffee is an integral part of breakfast and morning meals, but unless one is discussing a coffee shop or a specialized blend, the existence of coffee on a restaurant menu is typically not considered when reviewing restaurants. Despite this, however, Jack places a major focus on the availability of bottomless coffee on breakfast menus, which can dramatically increase a location’s overall grade.

It is currently unclear why Jack places such a large focus on consuming coffee- as he has no need for the energy surge most coffee-drinkers gain due to his lack of a job or schedule requiring him to wake up early in the morning- but some believe that it stems from his judgmental views on other beverages, and that between his church’s view on alcohol and his own opinion on those who drink soda, he is merely replacing these two vices for one that is more acceptable for his age group and community. .

A breakfast establishment able to provide bottomless coffee that is refilled quickly will usually earn an immediate ‘A’ or ‘A+’ on Jacks’ ‘Report Card’, even when the rest of the meal appears to be of mediocre or poor quality. An instance supposedly confirming this idea stems from a review of 'Uncle Pete’s', which featured an oversaturated menu and a relatively disappointing-looking meal. Despite the many glaring flaws with the location, Jack still rated the restaurant an A+, citing the fact that his waitress continuously ensured his cup of coffee was full, and reiterating that this was a major point of concern for him at restaurants that serve breakfast.

Recording

At times, Jack has been asked to cease filming for the Jack on the Go Show while in restaurants, as his obnoxious filming style coupled with his irritating existence in general have been such a bother to other customers that they cannot enjoy their meal while he is present. Rather than simply cease his recording and enjoy the rest of the meal, or discretely record himself by simply turning off his camera light (which he leaves on during filming regardless of how well-lit the establishment is), Jack will instead become angered and inevitably deduct points when giving his final review. An example of this stems from the Santa Fe Importers video of 2010, in which Jack is forced to continue his meal outside after being asked to stop recording, and become so aggravated by this that he immediately displays a negative attitude towards the location and staff, makes racist jokes about the fact that the restaurant is cash-only (despite claiming to be Italian himself), and encourages his viewers to film inside out of spite.

On one occasion, Jack, while with his friend Paul, claims he was directly asked to leave a restaurant (believed to be a King Taco during the filming of this video) because he refused to stop recording the employees. In a later video at Perry’s Smokin’ Pig, Jack recalled the incident, and stated that he was kicked out because the employees he was filming were illegal immigrants. No evidence for this claim has ever been provided, and this is believed to be merely another example of Jack’s racism on display.

The Spoils of WARS

During Jack’s WARS tours, in addition to his traditional nonsensical grading system, he has been known to award bonus points to restaurants for including specific items on their menus. The following is a list of these items.

Meats and Sides

Over the course of his multiple BBQ WARS tours (including Char Griller BBQ WARS, Carolina BBQ WARS, and any other BBQ restaurant he deems part of the WARS), Jack has awarded bonus points to restaurants for each different meat and side on the menu. While in theory this makes sense due to BBQ being a style of food that has many different iterations, Jack fails to take into account regional differences in style when awarding these bonus points, and thus inadvertently punishes restaurants that traditionally have never included some options (such as his utter failure to comprehend Carolina BBQ and chastising restaurants for their lack of beef and mustard or vinegar-based sauces).

‘Birria Tacos’

A dish of Mexican Birria meat (usually beef or pork instead of the traditional goat), which is wrapped in tortillas with cheese, deep-fried, and served with Consomme (a meat-based broth) for dipping. Jack discovered Birria Tacos in 2022, and they quickly became his go-to order at Mexican restaurants, despite him not actually knowing the name of the dish (the actual term for Birria, cheese, and Consomme is ‘Quesabirria’). In the upcoming Mexican Food WARS tour, Jack has stated he will award extra points to restaurants which carry Birria Tacos. Seeing as how Jack has become angry over receiving ‘Birria Tacos’ that are not Quesabirria (despite him not ordering the specific dish by name), one can only imagine this will have mixed results.

A review left by Jack for El Tapatio in Nashville, which served him Birria Tacos (i.e. standard tacos with Birria meat in them) as opposed to the dish he frequently refers to as 'Birria Tacos', which is actually 'Quesabirria'.